Sometimes, I miss you with my whole being. And it's scary, scary scary scary because in those moments, these moments, I can't really remember what life feels like other than grief and pain and loss. I forget the good because without you all I can remember is the bad, and in those moments I want to cease because nothing is better than the agony of missing you so very dearly.

I don't know how to fix these moments. They're fewer and far between- something that, in of itself, shreds my heart even further. I don't know how to fix.. me. I'm kind of broken without you, like that glass statue with a faint crack that shatters under pressure. I'm just a little cracked, usually, but nights like this I'm scattered into pieces on the floor and there's nothing there to help me rebuild myself.

We were supposed to have so much more time. Years, decades even. And all of that is just unhappy prayer now, the empty prayers of someone who knows that no one is listening, but is desperate enough to ask anyways. I can't do this without you, and yet the cruelness of it all demands that I must.

I must. And I will, because there's no other option. But right now I'm lost in missing you.